So it’s been a little over two months after posting my mental health blog post elaborating on my move to Texas. Since then, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I felt like I could breathe again, live again. In the month of June alone, I did a whole lot more recreational and adventure wise than I did three years working, and it was an amazing feeling. It was such bliss that I almost didn’t want to leave Los Angeles, but I knew that this was only temporary because I would eventually run out of funds to support myself.
The month of July coming back into Texas and settling in has been a challenge for me physically and mentally. Firstly, my car was promised to be delivered the same week I arrived—we rolled in July 3—but it kept getting delayed and delayed. The actual arrive date ended up being July 20, which was unfortunate because I only had a few outfits to wear over and over—all my clothes were in my transported car. Without a car, I couldn’t go anywhere. Getting longer, I stupidly separated my PC monitor and tower from its wires so I couldn’t even stream on Twitch or play any games I have. Needless to say, I went a little stir crazy with hella cabin fever.
And when I had cabin fever, my mind started to wander and swim in bad feelings. I started thinking about how I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, what my next move is, how I’m laying in my bed wasting time and life away, how I’m a burden to my family and the list can go on and on…
But in those two weeks of being home with nothing to do, I binged watched tv shows, movies and anime:
Danganronpa (Despair and Future arcs) – Funimation
**After completing the first two games of the franchise, it’s advised to watch the accompanying anime series—alternating episodes between the “despair” and “future” arcs. But OH. MY. LANTA. This anime takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, quite literally. I started this one during my last week of living in LA, in the hotel rooms on the road trip home and finished the morning after coming into town. If you’ve played the games and grew attached to the characters, you just might cry at some of the scenes. The anime really pulls your heart strings with its incredible shock factor. Everything you learned about in the games didn’t seem so scary playing through, but when you witness them in the anime, your heart stops.
Yuri on Ice — Funimation
This was recommended by my best friend and former roommate, Vicci. It’s a quick, short-lived series of 12 episodes following the journey of pro ice skater, Yuri, who is taken under wing by gold medalist, Viktor. As a fan of ice skating—I make sure to watch the winter olympics religiously—this seemed right up my alley. I don’t want to spoil anything, but this anime doesn’t have much darkness (especially after coming off the high of Danganronpa), and its light-heartedness makes your heart a flutter. I was live-texting Vicci as I went through it and it was just speedy, successive ALL CAPS texts about how excited I was. I will say though: I give this series a huge thumbs up with its progressive nature with lovable gay characters.
Blue Exorcist — Netflix
Blue Exorcist has been on my list for a long time, but I never actually sat down to watch it. Vicci informed me that the series is dubbed and on Netflix, so of course I jumped right in. I’m into darker themes dealing with demons so this, as well, was up my alley. This series took me a few days to a week to finish—binging of course—and its quite captivating. It’s full of action and you hold your breath when shit goes down. In contrast, it also has its happier and light-hearted scenes too. Protagonist Rin is very lovable and the underdog you root for when literally almost everyone in the series hates on him and is out to get him. Plus, he’s voiced by one of my favorite voice actors, Bryce Papenbrook, and he’s teamed up with Johnny Yong Bosch, who plays Rin’s brother, Yukio.
Hana Kimi (Japan 2007) — Kiss Asian
This is a Japanese dramedy that I’ve rewatched over and over once in a blue moon. It’s a reverse harem revolving around a girl who dresses up as a guy to attend an all-boys school with a mission to inspire her track athlete idol to high jump again. This arc of the series holds its heavy weight as the more serious tone, which is contrasted by the super silly, light-hearted mini-arcs of the large cast of high school men and their adventures. You’d think you’d go cross-eyed trying to keep up with all the characters but you eventually fall in love with every single one of them. Beware though, the last episode (#12) hella activates your tear ducts.
Terrace House — Netflix
This is a Japanese reality TV show similar to MTV’s Real World that Vicci was originally watching and talked about. It piqued my interest only because she told me that it’s not like American reality TV—where everyone curses like a sailor and gets into fist fights; utter chaos. I’m currently in the process of watching the first season because it was extended two times for reasons I won’t spoil. It’s such a 180 from American reality TV, which you’d think you might find boring, but it’s actually quite intriguing. What’s also unique about Terrace House is that there is a “commentary crew” watching alongside you and every once in awhile, the show cuts to the crew making their commentary and discussing what’s happening in the show.
Anyone who knows me were shocked when I told them that this was all I had been doing lately. The guilt was real since I wasn’t doing anything productive, but in hindsight part of the goal of coming back home to Texas was to learn how to do nothing and relax.Admittedly, there have been moments of vulnerability where I had breakdowns since coming home but we’ll get to those later. By immersing myself in the anime stories, it takes me away from my dark thoughts even for a little bit. Plus in those light-hearted scenes, they can be inspiring and speak to your heart without even realizing it. Unexpectedly, even if you aren’t looking for it, these shows can hit you so hard in the feels and perhaps put your life into perspective.
ANYWAY, the grand point of this post is to revamp this blog—yet again—with a new outlook and angle. What I’m hoping is to focus on the journey of improving my mental health and see where my next chapter lies. I may be 26 years old–well past my “year of 25,” but I didn’t want to start another new blog so I’m continuing on this one.
I won’t lie that I miss LA sometimes because of the life I worked so hard to establish, the freedom of exploring and all, but for right now—this “temporary permanent”—I think this is where I need to be.